An open letter to the kid I gave a candy cane to in the mens bathroom

Congrats on your win in debate, sorry you had to see me after that encounter there. I know i shouldn’t have been in the mens bathroom, but what can i say i never back down from a dare. My friends dared me to give you a candy cane after they saw you walk into the bathroom. So i sucked it up and went on in. At the time you were still peeing so i had to awkwardly stand there until you were done. I’m glad you already had your thing put away when you turned around. I don’t know why i said it but sorry i said merry Christmas when it was like February. Now that i am thinking about it i hope you do celebrate Christmas. I hope the candy cane i gave you is what encouraged you to win because i think it gave you luck. Sorry it happened so soon after you went pee, i probably should have let you zip up your pants but i also could have given it to you when you were peeing so i think i was being generous.

Why did you crush the candy cane? On your way back to your round you threw the candy cane all crushed up at me and my friends. What was the point you could of had a sweet treat that made your breath smell minty, but no you just had to crush it like my dreams. I also sincerely hope you washed your hands after i left the bathroom.

Sincerely,

Ash

Home is Here

Home is…
The smell of bonfires lingering in the sticky air,
The chattering of rumbling car engines,
And the smell of barbeque sauce, burnt marshmallows, and chlorine.

Home is…
The sweet nectar of the rain,
Cake for breakfast on birthdays,
Traffic jams,
And wondering if you’ll make it to school on time.

Home is…
The Christmas day excitment when you wake up extra-early just to open the gifts that have been teasing you from under the tree.

Home is…
Lemonade stands that last all day,
And vanilla ice cream that you have to eat quickly to make sure that it doesn’t melt and slip onto the concrete.

Home is…
Music in the car after school,
Surprise hair cuts,
And creating chalk cities.

Home is…
Dogs chasing after tennis balls as they bound down the road.

Home is…
Sitting on the back porch in the evening summer heat washing fresh vegetables from the garden,
Fresh donuts from the local bakery,
And accidentally playing cricket at dusk in the cactuses.

Home is…
Family dinners,
Love,
And happiness.

Home is…
England,
Michigan,
And here.

Underground Adventure

The four amigos set out on a quest. We had been planning this for about a week, to set out on an adventure to experience something other than out repetitive everyday lives. I made sure to pick up a few cans of the paint that sprays every time that I went to the home depot for house renovation stuff. It was me: the guy with his dads company card who bought enough things at the Home Depot to sneak in a can or two and pass by as 18. The caves are a place by my friend jts house. It’s an old mine and it goes back pretty far. There’s two entrances to the cave and the first one is surrounded by a few trees and you have to climb up what the locals call pride rock ( it’s just a big concrete platform) the first entrance leads to a pretty basic little system with a wet ceiling and a set temperature of 60 degrees. The second entrance leads to the same environment but there’s a ladder and on the ladder there was a phone number. We reluctantly called the phone number and a young guy answered and started telling us that if we go all of the way back that we’ll find chairs and a piano and a bunch of other creepy things. He then hung up and went back to work. The four amigos including myself let out a collective sigh and we ventured in like we were playing Minecraft. We were instructed to hug the right side of the walls on the way back and all the way back. It was good advice and the deeper we got in the scarier it was. We saw a few paintings here and there but obviously there weren’t enough because we decided to add several of our own with spray cans I had purchased at the local Home Depot. We were about half a mile in and no one wanted to give up, but we were getting spooked. I threw a rock to the side when no one was watching me and two of the guys literally jumped as I erupted into laughter. 15 minutes into our expedition someone finally noticed something. There were several chairs set up all facing what had been a fire. There were also a few carnival games and a piano that didn’t actually work. There were beer bottles scattered all over the ground and a see saw that I took a rather aesthetically pleasing picture next to. There were also however these little dollar tree battery powered candles that were still illuminated. None of us knew the actually battery life of those candles and we all came to the conclusion that someone had been there recently. We all started jogging back making sure to hug the left side of the caves. My friend Miguel ran over a tripwire which he swore was going to trigger some Indiana Jones type of booby trap and lead to his demise. Half of me wanted it to, because it would have made this story more interesting and because that would be one less guy in my truck, but the other half of me knew that Miguel and work well as midfielders. We approached the first bit of natural light and it came off as green for some reason and the scholar in me was reminded of a book I had half read called the great gatsby. I made for the green light swiftly and subtly. We all then exited the cave and started making our way towards the exit and down pride rock. We saw some car drive by and one of the guys was feeling extra rebellious and flipped the car off. We then all watched the car go to the end of coal mine and then turn back around, we all rushed to the truckmobile and sped off making sure the jeep wrangler never saw us again.

Remember to Change

A boy gazes,

at the dark sky,

wearing a padded jacket.

He breathes in the air,

cooling his throat and lungs.

As the dolphin gray sky grows darker.

It looms over him.

Cold white flakes slowly pour out of the clouds.

And they fall slowly towards the ground.

Onto the yellowing grass

Onto the boy’s hair.

The boy recalls

the times he had come to this field before,

laughing and talking.

But now alone.

He walks slowly across the dirt,

Glaring at the barren landscape

That lacked his best friend.

The field was too calm.

It was too quiet.

No echoes of the ones lost,

As if everything was already forgotten.

He stares off farther into the distance.

Staring at his small building of a school.

The building which has closed due to one of its own students.

The snow falls faster and heavier.

The boy’s cheek grows red and cold.

The ice melting into tears on his face.

Nobody wants to remember,

but he has to.

He has to remember

The loud bursts of sound

the pitiful and muffled cries of his classmates,

The hushed whispers,

the frantic calls to their loved ones.

He has to remember in order to make a change.

 

 

17

17

So we walked out.

Thinking we could talked it out.

17 minutes of silence.

It made sense.

Killing lives.

No such thing as saving lives.

I am on edge,

Talking about privileges.

Arguing of gun rights.

Isn’t that white?

School is a shooting ground.

I hear all the sounds.

Is safety still a thing?

Or it this all a plaything?

School was all about learning.

No, not anymore it is about shooting.

So pull the trigger on that gun,

And let me be done.

 

Breathe

It’s hard to breathe, the panic is getting to me.

It feels like I’m drowning, there is no air.

I need to breathe.

Time of death, 12:42am.

Cause of death, suicide…

The twins

Before their names were fixed, as they’re being washed by nurse, they got completely mixed; and thus you see by fate’s decree, or rather our’s whim, my brother Jeremiah got christened mesa and I got christened him.

_lovely

Light

It’s so dark I want to see the light.

I want to realize, see the better side.

I wish I could run but I can only walk.

There is panic in my heart I can’t get rid of.

Let me out, I want to see the light.

My heart is dark and cold, It wants to yearn for so many things  it can’t have.

I’m sick of this misery, let me free, let me see the light.

I want to hear a sound of  a waterfall and hear the birds chirp.

But it’s so dark, I can’t see or hear anything.

Everything is black, I want to see light.

I’m locked in a sad cycle, an endless routine.

I’m starting to feel, think there is no light, only darkness.

I can’t help but panic, It’s hard to breathe, somehow it always was.

I think there is no light for me only darkness, but I want to be wrong, it can’t be true.

Can I see the light, or was it a lie?

It can’t be, I feel like I’m losing hope.

It’s starting to get cold, I can’t feel anymore warmth.

Is this the end?

No.

This is the beginning and I will get the light I want, I’ll get my warmth back.

The darkness won’t stand a chance or maybe it will…

Could the colors not last long enough?

Will I last long enough?

I want my soul, back.

I can see the pain…

I can see the anger.

I feel lifeless and numb.

I want my light, love, and warmth.

 

 

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