It’s hard to breathe, the panic is getting to me.

It feels like I’m drowning, there is no air.

I need to breathe.

Time of death, 12:42am.

Cause of death, suicide…


It’s so dark I want to see the light.

I want to realize, see the better side.

I wish I could run but I can only walk.

There is panic in my heart I can’t get rid of.

Let me out, I want to see the light.

My heart is dark and cold, It wants to yearn for so many things  it can’t have.

I’m sick of this misery, let me free, let me see the light.

I want to hear a sound of  a waterfall and hear the birds chirp.

But it’s so dark, I can’t see or hear anything.

Everything is black, I want to see light.

I’m locked in a sad cycle, an endless routine.

I’m starting to feel, think there is no light, only darkness.

I can’t help but panic, It’s hard to breathe, somehow it always was.

I think there is no light for me only darkness, but I want to be wrong, it can’t be true.

Can I see the light, or was it a lie?

It can’t be, I feel like I’m losing hope.

It’s starting to get cold, I can’t feel anymore warmth.

Is this the end?


This is the beginning and I will get the light I want, I’ll get my warmth back.

The darkness won’t stand a chance or maybe it will…

Could the colors not last long enough?

Will I last long enough?

I want my soul, back.

I can see the pain…

I can see the anger.

I feel lifeless and numb.

I want my light, love, and warmth.



Day by Day

Day by day I suffer in pain,

Ever since that unfaithful day.

I’m Unable to live that’s why I sing everyday by your grave.

It’s amazing how both sides are the same,

You loved me so much to say one thing that would break my heart.

The question I still ask is why?,

Why did you leave me to live in this world of pain?

You were my only sunshine, It kept me alive, to keep going.

Day by day I live with pain,I loved you way too much to the point I couldn’t think straight. But now you leave me, Why didn’t you tell me I’ve could’ve gone through less heartbreak. Now day by day I live with memories replaying in my mind. The times where we would laugh and relax. Now it’s all gone, you left me too early.

Day by day I live with my heart in pain, I don’t have anything to love. Please don’t make me happy when you were sad, you were more important. Now all I carry is my dead heart and brain. The pain I feel everyday because there was so much for us to do now we live in separate worlds, apart. I can’t find my way to happiness,

Its like you drained my love. Why did you leave me?  You never said goodbye.

Now I live by your lie. Every picture we took your eyes showed pain.

Day by day I live in sorrow from the memories and pain. I yearn for your smile, the only time I will see it is in my dreams.



I think the reason you use me is to stop being lonely and sad.
To keep you away from bad thoughts and ending it all.
I am every color of the rainbow.
I know that someday you’ll stop using me, when you’re happy and not alone with someone who loves you.
But in the end when you fall again and can’t find comfort I’ll always be there.
I might just be a capsule but that doesn’t matter.
Sometimes I wish I was a person to love you and comfort you, to let you know you’re important.
The opinions of other people don’t matter, They shouldn’t apply to you.
But In the end I’m just a pill that helps you see dreams while your eyes are open.
I’m the cool neon lights, bright colors, and emotions you lack.
For now, we wait on the edge of a cliff for your bright light of the day and the reason to live.
We wait quietly in the cool breeze watching the moon and counting the stars.
I guess there is no happily ever after, Only sadness ever after.
Pills weren’t enough to stop you, you were in too deep.
Wounds were reopened and damaged even more.
There was no band-aid to cover it or advil to take the pain away.
You jumped off the cliff and into the deep blue ocean, you didn’t swim up.

Now only red and blue lights fill the room.
No more bright colors, emotions, and neon lights, only darkness.
Everything is black now..

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