Dear Orthodontist, I Love You

Dear Orthodontist,

I hate you.

Not you, personally, I’m sure you’re a great dude, but every bite I take brings me great pain and I blame you entirely. Also, I’m really not about these off-white rubber bands. They make my teeth look yellow. I feel like you’re sabotaging the last two years of my education.  The dentist has never bothered me. In fact, I really enjoy going to the dentist. I figured the orthodontist would be the same but no. You are ruining my life. I have to miss school, all for you. I miss hours out of my day. I see you for maybe ten minutes, you tell me what I’m doing wrong, you tell your assistant what to fix, and then you leave. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING PAID FOR?!?! It is unfair to your workers and I suggest they riot. Bring chaos down upon you. I fully support it, I’ll fund it myself. I’ll run to Dollar General tomorrow to get poster board and decorations. And glitter. Lots of glitter. Good luck getting that out of your stupid waiting room carpet. You know, the waiting room where you keep coffee, fruit snacks, and granola bars. Even though we’re not supposed to have coffee, fruit snacks, or granola bars. WHY ARE YOU TORTURING US LIKE THIS?! *sigh* But, supposedly you’re fixing my teeth, so I guess I kind of have to love you.


Yours (with boiling rage,)


P.S. I bit you in the 3rd grade when I had my retainer. You probably don’t remember because I stopped seeing you for about seven years but I want you to know that I regret nothing.

3 thoughts on “Dear Orthodontist, I Love You

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  1. I love that glitter is your ultimate revenge! It is so true…there is just no getting that out of carpet! A very fun read, thank you.

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